The Wedding - After-thoughts

I gotta say, there are few things that terrify me more than weddings. I think it goes back to one very awkward wedding of a female friend of mine I attended in the early '90s. It was in St. Catherines. I went alone. I figured, wrongly so, that I would hook up with someone I knew once I got there, so I would at least not be totally by myself. But while there were attendees who I knew, there was nary a one who I knew more than as an acquaintance. Being entirely too shy to talk to anyone, I ended up sitting by myself through the service. I was in a bad-fitting suit and felt completely self-conscious. As we left the church I tried to talk to a my friend's girlfriend, who I knew better than most. She snubbed me and I walked on totally embarrassed for making a fool out of myself. Well, I began heading back to my friend's girlfriend's house for the reception, but just couldn't bring myself to face more humiliation. I knew I'd be standing alone the entire time sweating and feeling self-conscious while everyone else chatted and enjoyed the evening. I just couldn't do it. I drove home and never looked back. My friend was a bit put off about it, but she forgave me.

That traumatic experience has put me off weddings ever since. In the late '90s I was asked to be Best Man at my buddy's wedding. I agreed, but the day of I had a terrible panic attack and couldn't go. Fortunately, another close friend stepped in to fill the position. Since then I've tried and failed to attend two more weddings. One of them was very upsetting because I consider this friend one of my closest. She was very unhappy, but in the end she forgave me. I still feel bad about it.

Flash forward to July this year: One of my closest friends asked me to be his Best Man at his wedding, which was this past Friday. Being that I'm doing much better with my anxiety, I reluctantly agreed. He's the sensative type and would have been offended had I turned him down. He knows about my social anxiety by clearly does not understand it.

I was able to enjoy the rest of the summer by simply thinking that the wedding was still a long way off. Then October came along and I began to sweat about it. But a funny thing happened. I started to think about it in an entirely new way. I kept telling myself that no matter what the wedding was only a few hours long, eight at most. I found myself being able to better manage my anxiety by continually reminding myself that the wedding would be over by Friday night. All I had to do was show up and the countdown would begin.

And show up I did. I had a tux -- which was pretty conservative, as far as tuxes go (thank god) -- and was ready for anything. Even photographs. As Best Man I knew there was no getting out of that. So I simply stood where I was told and smiled when asked and let a bunch of strangers snap away. Out of 70 or so attendees, I knew only two (besides the bride & groom). I still can't really say how I got through it. I even went up to a podium and gave a short speech during dinner. I didn't even write anything in advance, I just winged it. For those few minutes I simply became someone else. I was smooth and natural, and made people laugh out loud a few times. I couldn't believe it. The groom was also amazed, as were my two friends who attended. All and all I managed to get through it. Later, I even danced, twice!

Anyway, so there it is. I finally got up the courage to face my fear of weddings. It was a surreal experience, sitting at the head table with a room full of people watching you. I hate any form of attention, yet here I was, on display for all the see and judge.

I've sworn off weddings for good now, but if one does happen to come along that I simply cannot refuse, I think I'll be able to handle it. If there is a message here, it is this: The only way to overcome your fear of something is to face it head on. You'll be surprised at how well you can do, when you set your mind to something. But you'll never know unless you at least try.

Summer's End

It's Labour Day here in Canada, which typically marks the end of summer, at least for all the kiddies heading back to the classroom. I'm still out of work and to be honest I haven't been looking as hard as I should. That's going to change starting this week.

What I have been doing is honing my photography and editing skills. It's been a blast. My photography blog The Lazy Photographer broke 5,000 hits on the weekend, which isn't bad for three months. I'm still shooting with an old point & shoot camera, which is a drag, but what can you do. I'm thinking of getting a dSLR and taking some courses at George Brown College, but we'll see.

So what about anxiety? Well, other than trips out to photograph stuff, I have been really avoiding contact with the rest of humanity. Obviously, that's not so good. I don't really feel bad about it, just a bit lonely. Don't get me wrong, I have been getting out for other things, such as movies and BBQs and trips to the pub, but not on a daily basis.

I've been seriously considering joining a local fitness facility. Exercise and eating properly are key to managing anxiety. The thing is, with this impending swine flue crisis I'm not sure going to a gym is such a good idea. I've got the gear at home and there's not excuse other than laziness for not using it.

The biggest news going on in my life at the moment is I've agreed to be best man at my best friend's wedding. I still can't believe I agreed to it. I HATE weddings! I HATE dressing up in a suit. I do not believe in marriage. I HATE public speaking. I HATE anything that draws any sort of attention to myself. The funny thing is, my friend knows all this and still asked me. If we weren't so close I would have declined, but this isn't something I can get out of. One scary thing is that more times than not I've gone AWOL at the last moment before a wedding I'd agreed to attend. I think I've come a long way and this time I think I'll make it, but a panic attack can short circuit the best of plans.

So that's it. I have to find work, but am not convinced I'm even employable anymore. I have a wedding to attend that I don't want to attend. I have to start working out. And I have to decide if I want to take this whole photography thing to the next level. It should be an interesting autumn. By the way, the photo above is one of my own from an earlier outing.

Call out for work!

As you might already know, I’m currently unemployed. I just started another blog to host my résumé. Since my new blog is too new to get any traffic, I thought I’d introduce it here. If anyone knows of anyone in Toronto looking to hire a hard working, responsible person, it sure would be great if you could pass along a link to my new résumé blog. I realize it’s a lot to ask, seeing as I’m likely a stranger to you, but I can assure you I’m a solid guy.

So here it is, my new résumé blog: http://getworking.wordpress.com/

On it is pretty much everything you need to know about me. Hope you’ll see fit to pass it around. Thanks a million to anyone who makes the effort. By the way, the photo is a recent one from my photo blog. Hope you like it.

No worries, just take the online test

by DOCTOR GIFFORD-JONES

If you've ever worried you may need psychological help, you know getting a speedy medical appointment isn't always easy. Doctors have long sought solutions for this dilemma.

The latest fix is one proposed by Dr. Michael Van Ameringen, co-director of the Anxiety Disorders Clinic at McMaster University, in Hamilton.

The Internet, Van Ameringen recently reported to the meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, can be used to help people self-diagnose emotional illness.

His clinic has devised a free test, available at macanxiety.com, with a list of questions to assess your emotional status.

I answered the questionnaire out of sheer curiosity to see how it worked. (You should also know that I flunked the test by stating that I don't like snakes. This placed me in the phobia category, which says I need help. But I was not alone in getting an E grade.)

Van Ameringen reported that 90% of respondents who took the test met the criteria for a specific problem and should seek treatment.

It's hoped that the test, in the future, will speed up the process of getting help to those suffering from anxiety or mood disorders.

It reminded me of the "Ma Bell" psychiatrists in New York City.

Citizens of the Big Apple who preferred to remain anonymous could dial a shrink for help.

Anyone who thought they needed emotional help could call between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. All they needed was a credit card and a willingness to pay X amount of dollars every 10 minutes.

Dr. Kathleen Habner, McMaster's project founder, reported, "Our critics say we lose important information by not being face-to-face. But people tell us their problems in the first few minutes (why not, when it's an expensive telephone call?) whereas help may take several sessions of face-to-face interviews. And by using the telephone, anonymity makes this a powerful tool."

I see some merit in both of these approaches.

Mail from readers that reaches my desk often complains that face-to-face interviews with physicians are no longer what they were in the past.

Time has become an expensive commodity.

All too often patients leave their doctor's office without adequate explanation of their problem. That causes further needless worry.

Several years ago, a psychiatrist in Halifax wrote, with tongue in cheek, that he could help his patients should he himself suffer a devastating illness.

For instance, if he lost his eyesight he could always listen to patients.

Even if he lost both arms he could still dictate his notes.

And if illness forced him into a wheelchair, all was not lost. His secretary would be available to assist him.

But what if he died? He said this would still not be the end of assistance to his patients. He suggested that the funeral director could embalm his body and place him in a chair.

ANXIETY AND GRIEF

Then the chair could be programmed to tilt forward every few minutes so patients would believe he was listening to them, and his nod would reassure them.

Today, rapidly changing times cause anxiety and worry. The McMaster website is one way of helping those suffering such grief. They can obtain psychological care as quickly as possible.

I'm also sure that anyone who is troubled would prefer telephone help to no help at all. But obtaining psychiatric help from an embalmed psychiatrist in a rocking chair? Hmmm, I'll leave that decision to you.

Toronto Sun Newspaper

Overdiagnosing Social Anxiety

There have been increasing accounts of social anxiety disorders in all walks of life, most notably in careers which take the employer into the spotlight more often than others. Broadway actors and sports stars have been in the spotlight their whole career, but recently this has inflated to include baseball players from Detroit and Cincinnati who have been on the bench for stress-related issues. Social anxiety is a difficult disorder to get past, regardless of your occupation, and many therapists have contended that someone who is in the spotlight so much could not be suffering from social anxiety. These players would have never even begun the sport if they had the disorder.

Many of these baseball players who have been benched this season are blaming their newfound social anxiety disorder on increased pressure or bigger crowds. However, psychiatrists maintain that they are simply looking for an excuse why their performance is not what it used to be; social anxiety is not something that can develop over time. In this age of hypochondria and the tendency to jump on every developmental bandwagon, more and more people consider themselves to be suffering from some type of mental illness that has recently received press, whether it be ADD, ADHD, or even social anxiety. Social anxiety affects many people every day, many times in varying degrees, although these people have had to cope with it since grade school. It is a debilitating disorder that dictates where they can go and how many people they can comfortably be around.

On a day to day basis, sufferers of social anxiety need to map out where they have to go so that they can avoid the largest crowds or social situations. The fact that these baseball players are claiming to have this type of social stigma is a bit ridiculous because true sufferers of the disorder would never put themselves out there in that type of environment where millions of fans could watch you daily. Dealing with a social phobia impacts your entire life and truly impairs all types of interaction, from work to relationships. Making a mockery out of this disorder, which is inevitably what the baseball and other sports/arts industries appear to be doing, is an ignorant way of dealing with a larger issue, which could be to address the reasons for your recent failings. Blaming your lack of performance on a social disorder is one of the lowest steps you can take as a professional athlete, which brings up a multitude of questions about your disorder. While these celebrities may have been diagnosed by a therapist or doctor as having social anxiety, the true sufferers of this disorder are well aware that it cannot come and go at will, and remains with them until they discover how to quell it.

This post was contributed by Tara Miller, who writes about pharmacy schools. She welcomes your feedback at: TaraMillerr00 (at) yahoo.com

Proof smoking causes anxiety

Most addicts argue that smoking calms them down. Here's proof it can have the opposite effect -- well, at least for this guy, anyway.

NH man charged 23 quadrillion dollars for smokes

MANCHESTER, N.H. – A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars. Josh Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number — a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars).

Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the $15 overdraft fee.

The bank corrected the error the next day.

Bank of America tells WMUR-TV only the card issuer, Visa, could answer questions. Visa, in turn, referred questions to the bank.

Stanford Psychology Department study on social anxiety

I was contacted recently by Alice from the Stanford Psychology Department and asked if I'd share on my blog some information that could prove very helpful to those with anxiety. Please see below. Sounds like it could be great, and it's free to boot.

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If you’re looking for help with Social Anxiety Disorder, one option to consider is participating in research studies. At the Stanford Psychology Department, the CAAN lab is doing a study on social anxiety, and offering free treatment as a part of the research.

We are conducting a study measuring the effects of different stress reduction therapies.

The Wellness Program works on:

1. Improving physical fitness through cardiovascular and weight training
2. Stretching your body to enhance flexibility and improve posture
3. Implementing changes in your life towards better diet, sleep, and exercise habits

The Mindfulness Program works on:

1. Training in purposefully directing your attention from moment to moment, without critical judgment
2. Enhancing awareness and acceptance of external events as well as internal thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations
3. Implementing a meditation practice in your life to cultivate these skills

Mindfulness classes are once a week and take place either on Stanford campus, or around the San Francisco Bay area. The Wellness program involves a one-on-one meeting with a coach, to tailor a Wellness course for you, with a requirement of participation in a group fitness class of your choice. The study is 8 weeks long, with research assessments before and after the treatment.

You can find out more at caan.stanford.edu.

The first step to determine eligibility for either of these studies is a 15-20 minute phone interview. Give us a call at 650-723-5977 when you have 20 minutes free, or email your name, number, and some good times to call and we will try to reach you. Email us at caan.mbsr@gmail.com

Best of luck!

CAAN Research Team